#Keepshowingup: My CV of Failures

About four years ago, the idea of the 'CV of Failures' made the rounds of academia-centered social media and higher education periodicals. By listing unsuccessful applications, successful scholars such as Johannes Hauerhofer aimed to give perspective on their careers and achievements, and normalise discussions of academic rejection. Hauerhofer's full CV of Failures can be found here, and he provides links to other scholars' CVs of Failures as well.

I have always been intrigued by the idea and wanted to take the time to make my own, but I worried that listing my failures would simply make me feel worse about what I'd done and tried to do. Then I found another way of looking at it. In 2018, Des Linden won the Boston Marathon. She was the first American to win since 1985, and it was her first ever victory at a major marathon. The phrase 'keep showing up', something she tweeted about a month before her win, has stuck in my mind. This isn't just my CV of failures, it's also my CV of showing up, of times where I put in the work even if it didn't lead to the result I wanted.

My CV of Failures (2010-2020)

Degree Programmes I Did Not Get Into

1.    Princeton University, PhD in History 
2.   Harvard University, PhD in History
3. University of Notre Dame, PhD in Medieval Studies (invited for a fully-funded on-campus interview) 
4.     University of Illinois, Urbana-Champaign, PhD in History (wait-listed)

Academic Positions I Did Not Get

2019-2020

1. Lecturer Below the Bar in Classics, NUI Galway 
2.    Education Program Director at the Beinecke Library
3.  Medievalist, Hillsdale College
4. Assistant Professor of Medieval History, University of Tennessee-Knoxville
5. Assistant Professor of History, Berea College, Kentucky
6. Assistant Professor of Classical and Medieval Studies, Bates College
7. Assistant Professor of Early Medieval History, Trinity College Dublin
8. Lecturer in Medieval History, King's College London
9. Lecturer in Early Medieval History, Durham University (longlisted)
10. Lecturer in Late Antique History, University of Liverpool
11. Departmental Lecturer in Ancient History, University of Oxford

 2018-2019

1. Lectureship in Medieval History, University of Birmingham (interviewed)
2. Lectureship in Medieval History, King's College London   
3.  Visiting Assistant Professorship in Medieval History, Loyola University New Orleans
4. Professor of Classics, Providence College
5. Lectureship in Medieval History, Queen's University Belfast
6. Professorship in Medieval History, St Peter's University, New Jersey
7. Lectureship/Assistant Professorship in Early Medieval History, Trinity College Dublin
8. Assistant Professorship of Early Medieval History, University of Calgary

2017-2018

1. Lectureship in Medieval History, Birkbeck, University of London
2. Lectureship in Latin and Manuscript Studies, University of Kent
3. Lectureship in Medieval History (permanent), University of Manchester
4. Lectureship in Medieval History (temporary), University of Manchester
5. Lectureship in Ancient History, Manchester Metropolitan University
6. Assistant Professorship in Ancient World / Late Antiquity, University of Oregon
7. Lectureship in Medieval History, University of Oxford (Interviewed)
8. Temporary Lectureship in Continental Medieval History, University of St Andrews (interviewed)
9. Assistant Professorship of Late Antique or Medieval History, Stony Brook University
10. Assistant Professorship of Latin Language and Literature, University of Toronto
11. Lectureship in Medieval History, University of East Anglia

2016-2017

1.  Lectureship in Medieval History, Birbeck, University of London (interviewed)
2.    Boston University Study Abroad Tutor
3. Lecturer in Liberal Arts and Classics, University of Bristol
4.   Unestablished Lecturer in Medieval History, University of Cambridge (interviewed)
5.   Teaching Fellowship in Medieval History, University of Leeds 
6.   Lectureship in Medieval History, University of Manchester 
7. Associate Lectureship in History, University of St Andrews
8. Lectureship in Medieval and Early Modern European History, University of Rhode Island

2015-2016

1. Departmental Lectureship in Early Medieval History, University of Oxford
2. Visiting Assistant Professorship, Institute for the Study of the Ancient World, NYU
3.   Lecturer in Latin, University of Kent
4.   Teaching Fellowship in Roman History, University of Leeds
5. Stipendiary Lectureship in Medieval History, University College Oxford

Scholarships and Fellowships I Did Not Get

2019-2020

1. Postdoctoral Fellow in Medieval Studies, University of Helsinki
2. Moses and Mary Finley Research Fellowship, Darwin College, Cambridge
3. Joint Application Scheme For Early Career Research Fellowships, Cambridge
4. Munby Fellowship in Bibliography, Cambridge
5. Leverhulme Early Career Fellowship (did not get through sponsorship stage)
6. Pandemic Pedagogy Fellowship

2018-2019

1. University of Basel, Postdoctoral Research Fellowship
2. Junior Research Fellowship at Corpus Cristi College, Cambridge
3. Postdoc on the ERC Project 'Connected Clerics'
4. Leverhulme Early Career Research Fellowship (successfully got through first round; project was sponsored by University of Nottingham)
5. Research Fellowship in Early Medieval History, University of St Andrews
6. Junior Research Fellowship in Medieval History, University College, Oxford

2017-2018

1. Junior Research Fellowship, King's College Cambridge
2. Junior Research Fellowship, New College Oxford
3. Junior Research Fellowship, Pembroke College Cambridge

2016-2017

1. British Academic Postdoctoral Research Fellowship
2. Barker Priory Library Research Fellowship, Durham University
3. Jenny Wormald Junior Research Fellowship, St Hilda's College Oxford
4. Short-Term Research Fellowship at the John Carter Brown Library, Brown University

2015-2016

1. BRIHC Research Fellowship, University of Birmingham
2. Junior Research Fellowship in Medieval History, University of Oxford
3. Junior Research Fellowship, Christ's College Cambridge
4. Stanford H. Taylor Postdoctoral Fellowship in History, Cornell University
5. Junior Research Fellowship, Corpus Cristi College Cambridge
6. Junior Research Fellowship, Dumbarton Oaks Institute
7. Faculty of Arts Researcher Mobility Grant, University of Leeds
8. Junior Research Fellowship, Girton College Cambridge
9. Postdoctoral Research Fellowship, Institute for Historical Research
10. Junior Research Fellowship, Magdalene College Cambridge
11. Junior Research Fellowship, Newnham College Cambridge
12. Long-Term Fellowship, Warburg Institute

2015-2016

1. Scholarship, British Federation of Women Graduates
2. Dan David Prize Fellowship
3. Scholarship, Funds for Women Graduates
4. Claudio Leondardi Fellowship of the Schindler Foundation for Medieval Latin Studies

Conference Rejections

2018-2019

• Medieval Academy of America, Manuscript Workshop 

2013-2014

• Gender and Transgression Conference, University of St Andrews

2012-2013

• Vagantes Graduate Medieval Studies Conference, University of Madison-Wisconsin
   

To all the medievalists and academics and librarians out there who are putting in applications: whatever form showing up is taking for you this year, I wish you the very best of luck with it.